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 by Mark Aisenberg
 http://radio.weblogs.com/0121572/
 
 We have come to the moment in forward-leaning culture
 where the cell phone, having graduated from convenience
 device, is now entering the category of personal
 transformation tool. The modern cell phone, or "wireless
 device" as it now must be reclassified, in company with
 SUVs, teeth whitening, and first babies, promises
 nothing less than a lifestyle upgrade.
 
 Hard experience and a certain eye reveal a set of musts for
 those wishing to get the most from their devices, and
 indeed their lives. These notes touch on both the
 instrument and the owner.
 
 The device itself must say, well, "snick". Its parts,
 whatever they do, must fit precisely and audibly.
 Something, perhaps a hinged cover, an innovative pointer
 control, or thumb keyboard, should move, conspicuously
 enough to draw the appreciative eye of the attractive
 person at the next table. Color screens also help in this
 regard.
 
 Shun phones with customizable faceplates, as one would
 reversible jackets and slacks that are advertised as not
 requiring a belt. Using a stylus on a touch screen is
 recommended only if sitting down, by ones self, and
 accompanied by a beverage or similar indicator that one
 plans to grace that location for a while. In all events,
 try not to drop the stylus and then crawl under the chair
 to find it.
 
 As with guns, sedans, and cameras, shiny metal and matte
 black are recommended. Yellow and green are not. The
 device's appearance should say "James Bond", not "bar of
 soap".
 
 A variety of non-voice functions are required to keep one
 noticeably busy on those occasions when out of range of the
 wireless carrier (not too common in the better places) or
 when all of one's acquaintances naturally assume one is
 better engaged and so refrain from calling. Useful
 functions include wireless email, text messaging, a
 calendar that synchronizes with desktop computers, an MP3
 audio player, and a radio. The latter two must be used
 sparingly and stoically, as they generally require use of a
 headset. Games, whether embedded or downloaded, are best
 avoided in public places by those over the age of 22. The
 management of most public facilities provides restrooms
 with locking stall doors for such entertainments, as
 occasionally needed.
 
 Default ring tones are recommended, to avoid giving the
 impression that one is the sort of person who downloads
 ring tones.
 
 Most crucially, there is the accompanying wardrobe. Simply
 put, one must be able to carry and deploy the device with
 grace. Scenes best avoided in public include patting one's
 pockets to find the device and struggling to remove a
 ringing device from a trouser pocket while seated in a
 restaurant or riding in an automobile or carriage.
 
 For those not given to carrying a purse or briefcase on a
 regular basis, options are unfortunately few. A suit or
 jacket pocket is of course fine for business situations.
 Shirt pockets present difficulties, from devices falling
 out to unseemly bulges in unfortunate places. If tempted to
 use a shirt pocket with a flap that buttons to hold the
 device in place, be advised that such shirts are best worn
 in rodeo bars or when tinkering with one's car. Other
 options include pants pockets (useful only when standing),
 and the category of bags including book bags, fanny packs,
 and male purses. On this last category the jury is
 periodically out, though be advised that it is still a jury
 of one's peers.
 
 The recommended manner of carrying wireless devices, then,
 when a jacket or bag is not available, reduces to this:
 carry it in a front trouser pocket while standing, and in
 hand or placed on the table when seated. A device is more
 easily admired on the table than in a pocket after all. And
 it is better that an occasional device, rather than a
 lifestyle, be lost.
 
 Regarding phone calls, much has already been said. Don't
 shout, remember to turn off the ringer in theaters, etc.
 Those guidelines keep one from being punched and spat at,
 but are not sufficient to achieve a desired wireless
 lifestyle. There is more to master. Remember that the
 person originating a call must speak in a commanding voice
 lest those observing think he or she is asking for
 assistance or permission. When receiving a call, one always
 checks the caller ID to convey a sense of exclusivity, and
 is sure to offer a practiced chuckle or smile so onlookers
 know the call is an invitation to a social meeting or the
 congratulations of a company executive. In all cases keep
 the conversation short so other supplicants can get through.
 
 The appropriate body language serves as well. Avoid walking
 or driving while using a wireless device. It demonstrates a
 lack of planning, harried availability, and carelessness
 with others. Take advantage of seemingly engrossing calls
 by smiling or even staring at the locals; nobody can be
 sure where a cell phone user's attention is really
 directed.
 
 With proper use of one's wireless device, it is possible to
 imagine being in outdoor cafes or smoky jazz clubs,
 surrounded by the right sorts of people, taking part in
 life's great drama.
 
 This article courtesy of www.mobilephonesites.